What not to do in the bathroom

Not to go too far down memory lane, but... growing up my grandmother used to give me life advice. Repeated, non-stop life advice. They always started with "You know enough not to...":

• You know enough not to stick your finger into the outlet
• You know enough not to lick a frozen lamp pole
• You know enough not to... (BTW, this was my ENTIRE 'that talk'.. you know 'coming of age' stuff?)
• You know enough not to eat while on the toilet right?

That last one was my favorite. I know I was a kid, but I wasn't crazy. I knew better than to eat while pinching a loaf. And I never, ever, could picture a day when anyone would be THAT pressed for time.

Ok, leap forward 30 years. I'm at work in the pisser taking my afternoon mental break. Sitting all alone in a multi-stall bathroom, which is bliss in itself, when I notice a potato chip bag on the floor in my stall. Now, I'm one to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So I assume it had been dropped and kicked under the stall door.

Ok, leap forward 2 days. I'm forced to take an early mental break (silly burrito). Unfortunately I'm not alone... the next stall is occupied. So, in the middle of my 'Should I hold it 'til he leaves? or should I try a pinch and run?'... I hear rustling. The 'gotta get that chip from the bottom of the bag' rustling! Then CHEWING! Moments later the bag gets dropped on the floor. Grandma was right! Some people need warning. But then again, maybe natural selection will give this guy a case of E-Coli that will sterilize him before he can reproduce.

Salt-n-sour chips are good, but not THAT good.

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